Once while watching my respectfully moderate amount* of television, I became engrossed in a real-life show about a labor and delivery ward at a hospital. A couple came in to give birth to twins. One twin was vibrant and healthy. The other was not and only lived a few hours. The couple confided with the camera: “If we had two healthy babies, we’d know to be happy and if we lost both babies, we’d know to be grieving. But we had both and we’re not sure how we should feel.”
Without presuming to know what it’s really like to have and lose babies, I feel I can completely relate. Yesterday I left home with two strong hopes for my meeting with the Commission on Ministry: one was confirmed and one wasn’t. 1) Yes, we do see a call to ministry, but 2) No, you can’t start seminary this fall and will have to do an internship. On one hand, there was relief and on the other, grief. And emotions, at least mine, aren’t a zero-sum game.
I am proud to say that my inner-cynic has been demoted. Not many years ago, if this had happened to me, I would have littered this post with sarcastic quotations marks. The CoM “says” I “need” an “internship.” But I like to think I’ve grown out of that ugly stage. Maybe the Rolling Stones put it best, “You can’t always get what you want- but if you try sometime, you might just find, you get what you need.”
Luckily my plans for the next few days involve old friends and a change of scenery. And if you yourself feel compelled to buy me a drink, I won’t complain.
*-For an American